Seniority

¶ 27 February 06

Now that I’m well round the bend of 40, there’s no more avoiding the grim realisation of how little contemporary culture aims to please me.

My TV viewing has been pared down to a handful of shows and, if I stick to European movies, I can pretend that not all women over 45 are merely thinly-sketched matriarchs, bitter bitchy bosses refusing to acknowledge the passing of time, or dumpy purveyors of folksy wisdom.

As for music, even if I am somewhat cheered by a smattering of songs tailor-made for the older crowd, such as,

My humps
I fall to pieces
There goes my life
All my rowdy friends (have settled down)
Start me up
I wanna be sedated
Slow hand
Livin’ on a prayer
Heart of glass
Till I gain control again

I take no comfort in knowing that the Rolling Stones are still on tour, and even less in learning that Barry Manilow is back on top.

So as I contemplate my golden years (god, what a patronising term that is), I’ve been trying to come up with a list of songs that will give me and my generation the reassurance that someone acknowledges that we’re still here, and finds it a worthy endeavour to make a grab for our hard-earned cash.

My contributions thus far:

Achin’ a-all over
Every breath you take (could be your last)
Hip to be repaired
Gold digger (what’s that you just slipped into my Ovaltine?)
Smells like old peanuts
Thugz pension
I’m so retired
Bridge over at Thelma Water’s
In the early morning pain
A seniors’ night to remember
Toothless in Seattle

Okay, that last one’s cheating, but I suppose that movie titles too should be included.

 

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Comment

  1. Roll Over Beethoven(you’re snoring)

    Grandmother and Child Reunion

    Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For (In fact I forgot why I came in here in the first place)

    This Senior Moment

    Like A Rolling Stone
    — rollo    Feb 27, 9:23pm    #
  2. Let’s Talk About Sex (‘cuz we’re out of Viagra).
    One Thing Leads to…um…I forget.
    Get Outta My Yard.
    Walker on Sunshine.
    The Power of Drugs (Frankie’s version, not Huey’s).
    (I’ve got a) New Girdle Now.
    Purple Veins.
    Hot Flash for Teacher.
    Where’s It At?
    Your Mother’s Here To Stay (not for a year, but forever and a day).

    I might be back.
    — Gord Fynes    Feb 28, 2:09am    #
  3. Yesterdays.
    Blue Suede Hemmeroïds
    Street Sleeping Man
    Waterloo Funeral
    Wake Me Up, Before I Go-Ho
    Viagra Falls (there must be some ‘30’s song with Niagra)
    Whole Lotta’ Clove
    Don’t Fence Me In -yet
    Somewhere Under This Rainbow
    Dead Golly Miss Molly
    Our Generation
    Killer (Michael Jackson real & Unplugged)
    Plugged (new show on eMpyTV)
    Gord Fynes Mights Be Back
    — Crachàt    Feb 28, 3:06am    #
  4. I just stuck to Beatles songs:

    Lucy in the Sky with Depends
    Got to get you into (what’s left of) my life
    I want to tell you (so turn up your hearing aid)
    Doctor Robert (where’s my Rx?)
    I saw her standing there (using her walker)
    When I’m sixty-four (next Thursday)
    Don’t bother me (I’m taking a nap)
    It won’t be long (no explanation necessary here)
    Everybody’s trying to be my baby (but I’ve cut them out of the will)
    Hold me tight (I’ve fallen and I can’t get up)
    Don’t bother me (you young upstart)
    Every little thing (makes me cranky and irritable)
    She’s leaving home (and moving into assisted living)
    With a little help from my friends ( I can still get to Bingo every Tuesday)
    Do you want to know a secret? (I’m wearing a toupee)
    Ask me why (you never call, you never write…)
    Baby’s in black (her husband Mort died last week)
    You really got a hold on me (now see if you can lift me back into the bed)
    — wizmo    Feb 28, 4:31pm    #
  5. I guess this isn’t really playing the game, but I still get a charge out of “T-t-t-talkin’ bout my generation.” I think we still kick ass. I know I do.
    — Joseph    Mar 1, 1:50am    #
  6. As far as “My Generation” goes…

    Quadrophenia. House party. Tune is blaring. Mods are hopping.

    “Why don’t you all…ff.fff…”

    Mod: FUCK OFF!

    “ff..fade away…”

    I’ve accidentally done that on more than one occasion in front of the five-year-old. I just keep telling him the (virtual) swear jar is his university tuition.
    — Gord Fynes    Mar 1, 8:13pm    #
  7. I wanna rock and roll all night, and part of everyday…but only part, I have a lot to do.
    — kerryd    Mar 29, 8:36am    #

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